“Rest is about being able to be present, to enjoy whatever you are doing as it’s happening. Staying in the now.”
This is how the psychotherapist Ondine Smulders defines rest. She explains that when we are resting, we can enjoy the present moment without worrying for other things, allowing our minds to let go of everything else and focus on what is happening now.
Rest is the ability to still your mind, to give yourself a permission to forget about everything and everyone else, just for the moment. It is essential for our well-being to create moments when we allow our minds to rest of worrying and constantly trying to solve problems.
In order to get a real rest, we need to remove any distractions. Social media and watching TV will only increase the clutter in our minds leaving us feeling more tired and depleted.
Try different ways to rest and find what best works for you. You may like reading and find yourself completely emmersed in the story of a book. You may love to play an instrument and allow the music to rejuvenate you. Walking outdoors in green spaces is another powerful way to refresh your mind just by noticing the beauty that surrounds you and listening to the bird’s singing.
On the other hand, you may find yourself restless and unable to unwind even when you have the chance to enjoy a beautiful holiday. Your mind is still thinking about all the problems you left behind at work or at home. Especially for women, so much of our lives is intertwined with those around us. We have the tendency to carry the problems and stresses of other people, especially of our children and spouses.
So how can we learn to unwind and enter the state of inner rest?
Learn to set boundaries in relationships and focus on what you can control.
There is a notion that if you care for someone (a child or a spouse), then you are responsible for their happiness too. However, if the other person decides to be unhappy or miserable, no matter what you do, it is their choice by the end of the day. You can still care about them without allowing their mood and their attitude to steal your peace. Setting healthy boundaries in relationships is vital for our well-being. Insread of focusing on fixing others, focus on your own mental state and attitude.
Embrace imperfection
Another barrier to experiencing rest might be perfectionism. You may have booked the perfect holiday in a five-star hotel with a room with a view to the sea and still find something that is not to your taste, something to complain about. It is important to realise that nothing is perfect in life. You need to take a decision to let go of finding flaws in others and in yourself and start finding the positive, even in the most unpleasant situation. This small attitude adjustment will help you find joy even in little things in life.
Intent and release the outcome
Often when we are driven toward a particular goal, we can pursue it at an expense of everything. When people do something they love, they do it wholeheartedly and there is a natural outflow of energy. They do whatever it takes to reach that goal driven my excitement and intrinsic motivation. But often, somewhere along the way, they may lose the excitement by becoming obsessed with their goal and eventually reach a burnout.
“When people are wholehearted, they become more aligned with their soul”, says Dina Glauberman, author of Into the woods and out again. “They know what they want, they care about it and they’ll do whatever they have to in order to get there. But they release the outcome. They tell themselves, If I don’t get there, If I don’t achieve this, I’ll still be OK.”
It is often the journey toward reaching a dream that is most exciting than actually arriving at your destination. So, remember to enjoy the journey and release the outcome.
And finally, find what brings you joy.
Without joy in life, we have no energy and motivation. It is about finding joy even in the smallest things in life. When we are constantly rushing through life, we stop noticing the beauty that surrounds us. Learn to peactice pause daily and just observe.
Create beautiful moments in your daily routine. Things like decorating the coffee table, buying a new pot of plants for the garden, baking a cake or playing a music while doing some housework. It may seem small and insignificant but it definitely makes life more joyful and colourful.
In conclusion, real rest does not depend on external factors but on your ability to focus on the right things in life, to set healthy boundaries, to choose to let go of things that doesn’t serve you any more and to accept things that you cannot change. Rest is an inner state of peace that allows you to be present, to enjoy here and now and embrace the experience of life to the fullest.
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